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Ah men!
Oh the wretched
How much in God do we trust?
When trust is in pokeymon, Bush, and porn lust

And how just do we make it?
whos dust do we trust?

When their tails become lit
His throne of shit is legit
As she grabs life and robs it, just to watch it, burn it, then eat it



Ah men!
Oh the timid
Why do you let the times die?
As you let your legs buckle and hold evil high

And where did you hide it?
whos lies did it vie?

The noose stays high
As the sailing runs dry
You crawl to the corner, flailing and failing, as happy times cry



Ah men!
Oh the bold
Then why do they fold?
how they trip up the fall of man and reverse it to gold

And what cold will it touch?
When there are no more souls sold?

When the gays stole God's rainbow
the pures are sunk low
As they buy shirts in armani of the exchange for kiddie fingers and toes

i thank you for my shirt
To cover my skin from empires of dirt
i thank you for my shoes
So my pedicured toes won't touch all the hurt
i thank you for my hole
So the heart fails to alert
i thank you for the ash
So the truth stays still and lies inert


Ah men
Ah men
Ah men
Amen...

Rules of Engagement: How not to lose your balls

For all yall guys out there strugglin to get a chica...here's a couple of standard practices that you can use to bail yourself out from the heap of slaps to the face and kicks to the crotch.  'Cause as every man knows...we love our crotches.

1.)  Small things are the stuff that counts.  An orchid, some ice cream, and a paper airplane with a note.  No point wasting $200 on a christmas present when you can take her to a nice tea house and chat or to the park.  YOU are the one that wants the girl to like..not the diamonds ya dink.  And if you are dating a golddigger..drop her like diarrhea.  You could at least be spendin that money on a stripper and at least get to watch some titties and dupa.

2.)  Have money.  Even though you're not buyin her elaborate gifts and whatnot, you still gotta pay for meals and movies and stuff like that.  It's just shameful if you let your girl pay for you.  That's called being a manwhore.  And as fun as that is, there's a big difference in being a boyfriend and a boy toy.  Both involve a leash, but at least one lets you keep some of your dignity.

3.)  NEVER...and i mean NEVER blame shit on her period.  That equals instant if not excrutiating death.  I'm talkin about getting your nuts stuck in a blender or Rosie O Donald drop kickin you in the throat.  If you were bleedin for 5 days..i'm sure you'd be pissed as hell too.

4.)  Balls are worth less than her feelings.  Now i'm not saying to hand her your jewels so she can keep it in a nice Coach purse...but at least be "sensitive."  It's not even that hard either.  Just listen.  That usually makes 'em feel better anyway.  Also, you see a hot chick...don't get caught buddy.  You can say something only if they say something like "oh..she's pretty."  THEN it's your turn to say "ehh.. she' okay."  Congradulations..you just won $500.

5.)  You gotta hang out with her friends. AND remember..ALWAYS, ALWAYS be nice to the fat one.  It doesn't matter if she smells like shit or if she's on the verge of eating your hand..be nice to her.  Then her friends will think your awesome and that's more of a reason for your woman to keep you.

6.)  Don't take her to a poker or pool game.  She'll get bored (unless she plays) and you'll probably be distracted the whole time your playing with whispers of "this is stupid" and "let's go."  And then you'll end up whackin her with the stick and that'll be a sad but funny ending to that relationship.

7.)  Don't act too nice.  I know EVERY girl loves that crap...but they don't know what they want.  Number one, if a guy is naturally too nice anyway, they're either borderline faggot or they got too much Jesus in them.  Nothing wrong with those i suppose, but in a girl's perspective, having a guy that is flawless isn't the greatest thing ever.  Have your faults and pet peeves.  They'll have fun pissin you off with those, but at least you might get some action in exchange.

8.)  Acting like a cool prick is awesome and everything, but that's only if you want be the center of attention of a sausage fest.  Open doors for her, sing her a song..in the words of Rowie..take it "old school."

9.)  Most girls aren't into guys who smoke cigs.  And if they are, then they're probably whores in the first place.  Girls who smoke a lot usually put out.  You decide.  Although i heard Herpes Complex 2 is one of the most fun STDs you can ever get.  hmmm...oh the dilemma.

10.)  If she says "i miss you on the phone," you gotta say it back.  Even when you have to say it in the middle of a karate match or a gang war.  If you just say "ditto," then you're gonna have to worry about something a lot more painful and serious than getting your cap busted by rival homies.

11.)  If you don't know your girlfriend's clothes size.  Don't even bother getting her a shirt or pants as a gift.  For example, if you get something too small, she basically thinks she's fat 'cause it's not fitting on right.  If you get something too big, then you might as well be givin her jars of mayo and putting her in a tank next to Shamu.  Pickin out clothes is a dangerous game my friend.


Rules of Engagement Part Deux: How not to be Jaded by the Dick-Equipped Society

And now...some things for the ladies in how not to be a bitch and make your guy happy.

1.)  NEVER EVER play hard to get if you don't really mean it.  That is some real bogus shit right there.  Putting your head on their shoulder, holding their hands, getting into little physical struggles with them.  Those are signs that are basically tellin the guy that everything is thumb's up in goin for the kill.  If you're just doin it for cheap thrills, then you're one sadistic cootch.  I mean, guys do it too, but girls truly abuse it to the point of it getting sore bumps and shit.  Playin that game deserves a dragon punch to the overies and a hammer to the tits.

2.)  When you need to give your boyfriend a present...you can never go wrong with any remote control vehicle..especially an RC helicoptor.  Fuck magic photo scrapbooks and homemade scarves...we want to fly things around and catch army men in distress from high places.  WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

3.)  Dating involves two people so make an effort and don't let your boo do all the work.  Get off your lazy, content asses and set up something special for the guy..and make sure YOU pay for it at least.  Otherwise, the guy might as well be dating a neopet.  Being romantic is hard as hell...so take some burden off his shoulders and do something awesome.

4.)  Bros before Hos.  I know you got him on the leash.  Congradulations on being like every other girlfriend out there.  If you want to be really cool though, let him go and have fun with friends.  I know being a controlling psychopath is fun, but soon you won't have anything to control if he leaves ya... ouch.  Take that ya btiches.

5.)  Racist jokes are funny to ALL guys.  Saying "that's not funny" doesn't help the fact that it really is funny.  Big deal.  Niggers can't be seen at night, Spics are dirty, Chinks don't got eyes, and Crackas can't dance.  Embrace it and then love it. 

6.)  Never test a guy's masculanity.  That's goin into hazardous territory.  'Cause in the end, they'll probably be pissed off 'cause you're challenging their human male nature, and you'll probably get pissed off too.  We got ego problems...so what?!  damn...

7.)  Don't play the game of pull and push.  We get confused about crap like that where you say things you don't mean to say but it spills out anyway, etc...  Contrary to belief, most people DO listen to everything that you crap outta your mouth.  And confusion leads to anger which leads to disaster... from there..get's a little fuzzy.

8.)  Mindless gore = mindless fun.  Instead of watchin Princess Diaries of Just like Heaven (SUCKED!!!!), go watch an awesome movie like Tai Chi Master or Matrix.  Bullets, guts, guns, and girls...that's all we really need to be entertained honestly.  And when a hot chick comes on the screen, it's an opportunity to go "hey, she's pretty," and then he can say "ehh..not really."  And then everyone's happy.  Huzzah!

9.)  Be funny or amusing.  No one likes hanging out with a girl who just giggles like a jackass all the time and doesn't do crap with a conversation.  A sign of a great relationship is when you guys can talk for hours on end about everything and nothing.  Otherwise, you might as well be talkin to some wall.  And i know walls can be sexy as hell, but they really can't do much more than that.  This also applies to guys too. 

10.) SHOW 'EM YOUR BOOBIES!!!!  ( . )( . )

Well that's about it for now.  Some observations i've learned from being forced to watch chick flicks and knowing quite a few chicas.  Although most of it is from common sense and my own understandings of why couples can be retarded or great.  So bitch at me or agree or add on.  I hope this has enlightened some of you.  Peace, Huj Euj Hahn